/page/2

No, Lennon-McCartney. I disagrees.

Sometimes all you need is love but other times all you need is #yoga.

nickholmes:

Don’t laugh at this. 

Amelia for the win

April has been a clusterfuck BUT I finally pulled it together and wrote the intro of a spec for an existing series. I’m in battle mode and deadlines loom. My first unsuspecting reviewer was laughing nonstop from start to finish — a minor accomplishment, but I’m calling it a big win. 34 pages to go. I’ve got this… I think.

I hope.

I know?

#fuckyeahamelia

The truly great writer does not want to write: he wants the world to be a place in which he can live the life of the imagination. The first quivering word he puts to paper is the word of the wounded angel: pain. The process of putting down words is equivalent to giving oneself a narcotic. Observing the growth of a book under his hands, the author swells with delusions of grandeur. I too am a conqueror—perhaps the greatest conqueror of all! My day is coming. I will enslave the world—by the magic of words … Et cetera ad nauseum.
– Henry Miller, Sexus. Grove Press, 1994

TURN. IT. UP. 

Rolling Stones - The Last Time (Live, 1965)

Passover prayers

"What is lurking that we can actively seek out and see banished this year?

What do we discover when we get on our hands and knees and shine a light in the darkest of corners?

Sometimes we find darkness. But from that darkness sometimes we can make light. That’s what it means to be a partner in Creation: to continually find new ways to make light where before there was darkness.

Chag pesach kasher v’sameach.

May the Festival of Freedom free the parts of you that are dark, and may this Festival make all of those parts blindingly Divinely and unmistakably bright.”

- Mayim Bialik for kveller.com

'the unexamined life is not worth living' vs. 'the examined life kinda sucks'

The thing is: I’ve been undergoing self-examination since puberty.

I remember hearing at some point in my 20s that my brother would argue with his friends in a battle of who’s sibling was more badass: “My sister was reading Dostoevsky and Rilke at 13.”

It usually shut everyone up. 

13 was also the year I stomped into a meeting with a French Catholic priest and argued Plato in response to his assertion that philosophy is best left untouched:”It’s dangerous stuff.”

I was arrogant. Not much has changed. Hell, I probably still dress the same. 

What I now take from the priest is that once you start it’s almost impossible to stop and it’s messy stuff, not for the faint of heart. 

But the best things in life are like that, maybe. 

I don’t know.

The more I know, the less I know ad fucking nauseum.

I’m finding comfort in Erich Fromm:

Self-awareness, reason, and imagination have disrupted the ‘harmony’ which characterizes animal existence.Their emergence has made man into an anomaly, into the freak of the universe. He is part of nature, subject to her physical laws and unable to change them, yet he transcends the rest of nature. He is set apart while being a part; he is homeless, yet chained to the home he shares with all creatures.

Cast into this world at an accidental place and time, he is forced out of it, again accidentally. Being unaware of himself he realizes his powerlessness and the limitations of his existence. He visualizes his own end: death. Never is he free from the dichotomy of is existence: he cannot rid himself of his mind, even if he should want to; he cannot rid himself of his body as long as he is alive—and his body makes him want to be alive. Reason, man’s blessing, is also his curse; it forces him to cope everlastingly with the task of solving this insoluble dichotomy. Human existence in this respect is different from that of all other organisms; it is in a state of constant and unavoidable disequilibrium. 


Man’s life cannot ‘be lived’ by repeating the pattern of his species; he must live. Man is the only animal that can be bored, that can be discontented, that can feel evicted from paradise. Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve and from which he cannot escape. He cannot go back to the prehuman state of harmony with nature; he must proceed to develop his reason until he becomes the master of nature, and of himself.

 - Man for Himself

Higher Ground

image

Four stages of reactivity:

1) Astonishment: “…the fuck?!”

2) Consideration: “this shit is…”

3) Compassion: “BANANAS”

4) Resolve: “Delete.”

This guy! #toddletime

This guy! #toddletime

Sunday funday #torontothegood

Sunday funday #torontothegood

I have bastardized Shiva, but whatever

It ends today. 

In other news, I’m trying to replace cigarettes with the Tabata “if done properly you should meet god” Protocol.

I used to rock Tabata like nobody’s business but came closer to death than anticipated this morning. Good times.

Fin.

Or blame it on the gravitational pull of the moon

Disclaimer 1: Despite my best efforts, this post cannot be formatted for mobile. Read it properly if you’re going to read it at all. Paragraph breaks are important, people.

Disclaimer 2: I make no apologies for the potential overuse of Kanye Wesanderson memes. Deal with it. 

Here it goes:

Maybe it’s just a current I’m caught up in but there’s a big cloud hanging over almost everyone that I’ve been talking to lately and it’s screaming the same idea: we’re all a little fucked up when it comes to love.

Mama Amelia’s been in the thick of it. My maternal instincts are in overdrive so imma sketch out some conclusions. This is a long one, but if I die tomorrow this tumblr is the only self-sanctioned opus I’ve got. 

So listen up. 

The first step is admitting that you have a problem. 

image

We’re all human which means that by nature we are all intimacy junkies. Cursed as we are, most of us go haywire when we stumble into a physical and emotional connection that we feel inclined to fight for. That’s why love is crazy. Accept it, then prepare for it because the bad news is that more often than not, it will catch you off-guard. That’s just the way that things happen in life.

image

With any luck, by a certain age you’ve done enough hard work so that when you fall, you fall gracefully. But if you’re feeling less grace and more like a bonobo on steroids, the good news is that everything is going to be okay. There are things you can do to harness the crazy and be a good person through the best and worst of it. 

image

Behold (!) a few humble tokens from a recent mission to planet Grow The Fuck Up: 

ON ROMANTIC LOVE, BROADLY SPEAKING

1) Man up. Get past it — whatever ‘it’ is. See the bigger picture. Compassion is by far the best way to resolve internal and external conflict.

2) Relate to your love-object as a human, not as someone you want to fuck or procreate with and certainly not as someone you feel should want these things from you.  If you can’t see the human beyond your romantic ideations, then you’re probably just in love with yourself. 

image

3) You’re going to fuck up. A lot. Forgive yourself when you must because romantic love is an addictive chemical reaction that makes you stupid. Sometimes stupidity is okay, but you’ve got to own your missteps. Apologize to yourself, apologize to others. Forgive yourself. Then stop making the same mistakes.

ON MODERN COURTSHIP

image

4) All of those rules about when to text and when not to text? Who needs ‘em. We need less of this bullshit on a quest for authenticity. But all of those messages lighting up the screen also trigger dopamine. The validation is addictive. Proceed with caution.

image

4b) Never assume text messaging to be a reliable medium. Too complicated. Too simple. Too much, too little. Let your mirror neurons do their thing. You’ve gotta read affect, not just affectation.  Proceed with caution. FaceTime or face time, always. 

4c) There are exceptions to this rule, of course. Like geographical distance. Just be aware when it becomes a means of creating emotional distance. This isn’t healthy and rarely does it serve to provide the level of protection intended.

image

4d) Should you find that you’ve invested a disproportionate amount of time text messaging, the only saving grace here is in the event of a memory lapse. Again, proceed with caution. In the case of a conflict or exorcism, exporting your archives to PDF might lead you to some unexpected conclusions. You may have been right, which can be troubling. Or you could find out that you were wrong, also troubling. Proceed. With. Caution.

On intimacy

image

5) Sexuality is awesome. Never stop loving the beast. Never feel ashamed, never feel inadequate. Your body is capable of doing amazing things, never forget that. Above all else, never give someone the power of allowing you to feel less awesome than you are. ‘Cause you’re the only one who can do that, you know? And you’re awesome, so don’t go there.

image

5b) Don’t ignore the fact that you have more basic needs for real intimacy — trust, connection, security — the complicated stuff. They don’t call it the curse of man without reason. Your job is to either merge physical and emotional intimacy without combusting or find creative (non-harming!) solutions to getting what you need.

ON LOSS:   

image

6) The love we give fiercely is often to those who cannot receive it. That’s fucked up. Try it once, maybe twice if you miss the lesson. Don’t do it thrice lest it become pathological. The only person you can save is yourself.

7) If you’re in the pits of devastation and you wake up to find your nightmares realized, say, your old love reunites with an ex and walks off into eternity — regardless of deception or indifference or impregnation, if it is a matter of weeks, months, days — you will survive it. Trust me on this one. I’ve been there and then back again. Even if it feels like death, remember Hemingway: go to a typewrite and bleed. You will be better for it. 

image

8) Don’t kill yourself, man. Kill whatever identity you cling to, kill your crutches, kill social media. Just don’t kill yourself. Don’t be so unfocused by heartache that you give up your dreams, ‘cause that’s the same thing. Row, row, row your little boat wailing like a banshee down the stream.

ON GROWTH: 

image

9) Know your demons, slay what you can and walk with the rest (hopefully arm in arm with your one true love) when the time comes. This means not only being honest about your neurological typology but being accountable for it’s wayward pulses. If you don’t know what that means, get thee some therapy. Until then…

image

10) You need humans, not sexual objects or love interests. Until you’re ready to be a human in love, it’s just another ‘thing’. 

image

11) You will learn that your looks are a distraction. Let me save you the time: stop caring so much. Make cool things. That’s it. Don’t wear them. Don’t fuck them. Just make cool things.

ON CULTIVATING YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY AKA ADULT FRIENDSHIP

image

12) There’s nothing wrong with attachment but once it exists, treat it delicately. Mess with this and risk fucking yourself and other people up in ways that are traumatic, destructive and unnecessary. This will undermine all that is sacred in human connection and it’s just a shitty thing to do. Be a good person. Take care of your friends and let them take care of you. Get over yourself, get over your ideas about love, then just love. 

image

13) Having said that, you don’t have to keep anyone in your life; you’re not a failure if you sacrifice certain friendships. You are not a failure. If you’ve loved boldly, fearlessly, heart with wings then you’ve tried. And that’s all you can ever do in life: try. If you find that you didn’t really try, own it and then keep trying or try it a different way next time. But it’s important to know when to stop trying. This is not easy, but articles #1-3 will be helpful.

Be bold, be brave, be good to each other. It’s a mad enough world out there. Don’t make it worse with the only genuine tool we have to make it better.

Be love.

image

No, Lennon-McCartney. I disagrees.

Sometimes all you need is love but other times all you need is #yoga.

nickholmes:

Don’t laugh at this. 

Amelia for the win

April has been a clusterfuck BUT I finally pulled it together and wrote the intro of a spec for an existing series. I’m in battle mode and deadlines loom. My first unsuspecting reviewer was laughing nonstop from start to finish — a minor accomplishment, but I’m calling it a big win. 34 pages to go. I’ve got this… I think.

I hope.

I know?

#fuckyeahamelia

suklad:

Bodies (2006)

Nadav Kander

(via professorwells)

The truly great writer does not want to write: he wants the world to be a place in which he can live the life of the imagination. The first quivering word he puts to paper is the word of the wounded angel: pain. The process of putting down words is equivalent to giving oneself a narcotic. Observing the growth of a book under his hands, the author swells with delusions of grandeur. I too am a conqueror—perhaps the greatest conqueror of all! My day is coming. I will enslave the world—by the magic of words … Et cetera ad nauseum.
– Henry Miller, Sexus. Grove Press, 1994

TURN. IT. UP. 

Rolling Stones - The Last Time (Live, 1965)

Passover prayers

"What is lurking that we can actively seek out and see banished this year?

What do we discover when we get on our hands and knees and shine a light in the darkest of corners?

Sometimes we find darkness. But from that darkness sometimes we can make light. That’s what it means to be a partner in Creation: to continually find new ways to make light where before there was darkness.

Chag pesach kasher v’sameach.

May the Festival of Freedom free the parts of you that are dark, and may this Festival make all of those parts blindingly Divinely and unmistakably bright.”

- Mayim Bialik for kveller.com

'the unexamined life is not worth living' vs. 'the examined life kinda sucks'

The thing is: I’ve been undergoing self-examination since puberty.

I remember hearing at some point in my 20s that my brother would argue with his friends in a battle of who’s sibling was more badass: “My sister was reading Dostoevsky and Rilke at 13.”

It usually shut everyone up. 

13 was also the year I stomped into a meeting with a French Catholic priest and argued Plato in response to his assertion that philosophy is best left untouched:”It’s dangerous stuff.”

I was arrogant. Not much has changed. Hell, I probably still dress the same. 

What I now take from the priest is that once you start it’s almost impossible to stop and it’s messy stuff, not for the faint of heart. 

But the best things in life are like that, maybe. 

I don’t know.

The more I know, the less I know ad fucking nauseum.

I’m finding comfort in Erich Fromm:

Self-awareness, reason, and imagination have disrupted the ‘harmony’ which characterizes animal existence.Their emergence has made man into an anomaly, into the freak of the universe. He is part of nature, subject to her physical laws and unable to change them, yet he transcends the rest of nature. He is set apart while being a part; he is homeless, yet chained to the home he shares with all creatures.

Cast into this world at an accidental place and time, he is forced out of it, again accidentally. Being unaware of himself he realizes his powerlessness and the limitations of his existence. He visualizes his own end: death. Never is he free from the dichotomy of is existence: he cannot rid himself of his mind, even if he should want to; he cannot rid himself of his body as long as he is alive—and his body makes him want to be alive. Reason, man’s blessing, is also his curse; it forces him to cope everlastingly with the task of solving this insoluble dichotomy. Human existence in this respect is different from that of all other organisms; it is in a state of constant and unavoidable disequilibrium. 


Man’s life cannot ‘be lived’ by repeating the pattern of his species; he must live. Man is the only animal that can be bored, that can be discontented, that can feel evicted from paradise. Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve and from which he cannot escape. He cannot go back to the prehuman state of harmony with nature; he must proceed to develop his reason until he becomes the master of nature, and of himself.

 - Man for Himself

Higher Ground

image

Four stages of reactivity:

1) Astonishment: “…the fuck?!”

2) Consideration: “this shit is…”

3) Compassion: “BANANAS”

4) Resolve: “Delete.”

This guy! #toddletime

This guy! #toddletime

Sunday funday #torontothegood

Sunday funday #torontothegood

I have bastardized Shiva, but whatever

It ends today. 

In other news, I’m trying to replace cigarettes with the Tabata “if done properly you should meet god” Protocol.

I used to rock Tabata like nobody’s business but came closer to death than anticipated this morning. Good times.

Fin.

Or blame it on the gravitational pull of the moon

Disclaimer 1: Despite my best efforts, this post cannot be formatted for mobile. Read it properly if you’re going to read it at all. Paragraph breaks are important, people.

Disclaimer 2: I make no apologies for the potential overuse of Kanye Wesanderson memes. Deal with it. 

Here it goes:

Maybe it’s just a current I’m caught up in but there’s a big cloud hanging over almost everyone that I’ve been talking to lately and it’s screaming the same idea: we’re all a little fucked up when it comes to love.

Mama Amelia’s been in the thick of it. My maternal instincts are in overdrive so imma sketch out some conclusions. This is a long one, but if I die tomorrow this tumblr is the only self-sanctioned opus I’ve got. 

So listen up. 

The first step is admitting that you have a problem. 

image

We’re all human which means that by nature we are all intimacy junkies. Cursed as we are, most of us go haywire when we stumble into a physical and emotional connection that we feel inclined to fight for. That’s why love is crazy. Accept it, then prepare for it because the bad news is that more often than not, it will catch you off-guard. That’s just the way that things happen in life.

image

With any luck, by a certain age you’ve done enough hard work so that when you fall, you fall gracefully. But if you’re feeling less grace and more like a bonobo on steroids, the good news is that everything is going to be okay. There are things you can do to harness the crazy and be a good person through the best and worst of it. 

image

Behold (!) a few humble tokens from a recent mission to planet Grow The Fuck Up: 

ON ROMANTIC LOVE, BROADLY SPEAKING

1) Man up. Get past it — whatever ‘it’ is. See the bigger picture. Compassion is by far the best way to resolve internal and external conflict.

2) Relate to your love-object as a human, not as someone you want to fuck or procreate with and certainly not as someone you feel should want these things from you.  If you can’t see the human beyond your romantic ideations, then you’re probably just in love with yourself. 

image

3) You’re going to fuck up. A lot. Forgive yourself when you must because romantic love is an addictive chemical reaction that makes you stupid. Sometimes stupidity is okay, but you’ve got to own your missteps. Apologize to yourself, apologize to others. Forgive yourself. Then stop making the same mistakes.

ON MODERN COURTSHIP

image

4) All of those rules about when to text and when not to text? Who needs ‘em. We need less of this bullshit on a quest for authenticity. But all of those messages lighting up the screen also trigger dopamine. The validation is addictive. Proceed with caution.

image

4b) Never assume text messaging to be a reliable medium. Too complicated. Too simple. Too much, too little. Let your mirror neurons do their thing. You’ve gotta read affect, not just affectation.  Proceed with caution. FaceTime or face time, always. 

4c) There are exceptions to this rule, of course. Like geographical distance. Just be aware when it becomes a means of creating emotional distance. This isn’t healthy and rarely does it serve to provide the level of protection intended.

image

4d) Should you find that you’ve invested a disproportionate amount of time text messaging, the only saving grace here is in the event of a memory lapse. Again, proceed with caution. In the case of a conflict or exorcism, exporting your archives to PDF might lead you to some unexpected conclusions. You may have been right, which can be troubling. Or you could find out that you were wrong, also troubling. Proceed. With. Caution.

On intimacy

image

5) Sexuality is awesome. Never stop loving the beast. Never feel ashamed, never feel inadequate. Your body is capable of doing amazing things, never forget that. Above all else, never give someone the power of allowing you to feel less awesome than you are. ‘Cause you’re the only one who can do that, you know? And you’re awesome, so don’t go there.

image

5b) Don’t ignore the fact that you have more basic needs for real intimacy — trust, connection, security — the complicated stuff. They don’t call it the curse of man without reason. Your job is to either merge physical and emotional intimacy without combusting or find creative (non-harming!) solutions to getting what you need.

ON LOSS:   

image

6) The love we give fiercely is often to those who cannot receive it. That’s fucked up. Try it once, maybe twice if you miss the lesson. Don’t do it thrice lest it become pathological. The only person you can save is yourself.

7) If you’re in the pits of devastation and you wake up to find your nightmares realized, say, your old love reunites with an ex and walks off into eternity — regardless of deception or indifference or impregnation, if it is a matter of weeks, months, days — you will survive it. Trust me on this one. I’ve been there and then back again. Even if it feels like death, remember Hemingway: go to a typewrite and bleed. You will be better for it. 

image

8) Don’t kill yourself, man. Kill whatever identity you cling to, kill your crutches, kill social media. Just don’t kill yourself. Don’t be so unfocused by heartache that you give up your dreams, ‘cause that’s the same thing. Row, row, row your little boat wailing like a banshee down the stream.

ON GROWTH: 

image

9) Know your demons, slay what you can and walk with the rest (hopefully arm in arm with your one true love) when the time comes. This means not only being honest about your neurological typology but being accountable for it’s wayward pulses. If you don’t know what that means, get thee some therapy. Until then…

image

10) You need humans, not sexual objects or love interests. Until you’re ready to be a human in love, it’s just another ‘thing’. 

image

11) You will learn that your looks are a distraction. Let me save you the time: stop caring so much. Make cool things. That’s it. Don’t wear them. Don’t fuck them. Just make cool things.

ON CULTIVATING YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY AKA ADULT FRIENDSHIP

image

12) There’s nothing wrong with attachment but once it exists, treat it delicately. Mess with this and risk fucking yourself and other people up in ways that are traumatic, destructive and unnecessary. This will undermine all that is sacred in human connection and it’s just a shitty thing to do. Be a good person. Take care of your friends and let them take care of you. Get over yourself, get over your ideas about love, then just love. 

image

13) Having said that, you don’t have to keep anyone in your life; you’re not a failure if you sacrifice certain friendships. You are not a failure. If you’ve loved boldly, fearlessly, heart with wings then you’ve tried. And that’s all you can ever do in life: try. If you find that you didn’t really try, own it and then keep trying or try it a different way next time. But it’s important to know when to stop trying. This is not easy, but articles #1-3 will be helpful.

Be bold, be brave, be good to each other. It’s a mad enough world out there. Don’t make it worse with the only genuine tool we have to make it better.

Be love.

image
No, Lennon-McCartney. I disagrees.
Amelia for the win
"The truly great writer does not want to write: he wants the world to be a place in which he can live the life of the imagination. The first quivering word he puts to paper is the word of the wounded angel: pain. The process of putting down words is equivalent to giving oneself a narcotic. Observing the growth of a book under his hands, the author swells with delusions of grandeur. I too am a conqueror—perhaps the greatest conqueror of all! My day is coming. I will enslave the world—by the magic of words … Et cetera ad nauseum."
Passover prayers
'the unexamined life is not worth living' vs. 'the examined life kinda sucks'
Higher Ground
I have bastardized Shiva, but whatever
Or blame it on the gravitational pull of the moon

About:

Observation Miscellany

./by/Amelia M. Egan

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